MIKETRON BLOG

As John W Howard always tried to make clear to us, selling off public utilities to increase "competition" is a well thought-out, sustainable financial strategy. Once everything is sold and the "competition" really gets going, then all the companies eventually merge together into a monopoly single-competitive-entity which has no competition and therefore charges whatever it likes without fear of losing customers.

And so today Westpac and St George have announced their merger, benefiting mum-and-dad-investor share prices massively.
They would be the same mum-and-dad-investors who have borrowed money from said banks in order to invest in property and bank shares. You see the logic? If you don't you obviously need a self-help course on financial management (Westpac offer unbiased advice here).

This well-thought-out merger will guarantee mum-and-dad-investor share prices well into the future, with annually increasing profits going straight to the average family income (which will then be used to pay the mortgage and bank fees).

Shown above are some of the forward-thinking mum-and-dad-investors who really genuinely care about all bank customers and the future their child will grow up in. They're not just trying to greedily make a buck for themselves while they can or anything like that at all...

More blogs about Caring, Sharing, Community Organisations - Fair Distribution of Wealth - Australian Banks.

In the last few weeks there has been much talk of Kevin Rudd's relations with China and his all-too-convenient ability to speak their language. Public pressure has been mounting on the PM to "come down hard" on China for abuses of human rights, particularly in Tibet recently - and there have even been calls from some of our athletes to boycott the Chinese Olympics.

Ironically, when we had our own little athletics carnival in Sydney, 2000 we only won the chance to host the games over China by the tiniest of majorities in the Olympic voting committee because the committee couldn't decide who had the worst human rights record. Luckily, our record was SLIGHTLY better than china's (thanks, largely, to population size) so we got the Olympics before them!

So, if K.Rudd turns up and "orders" the Chinese to start practising human rights like a "civilised" country, it should be completely acceptable to them and not sound hypocritical at all.
Maybe we could send a delegation of detained asylum-seekers, Guantanamo Bay inmates and Indigenous Australians (who were taken off our FAUNA list in 1967) just to add extra credibility to our criticisms...

Shown above are some of greatest, heroic moments in Australian human rights - including our brilliant and fair handling of indigenous affairs, detaining people who are escaping persecution in other countries, the excellent and pride-inspiring handling of the David Hicks case and our ULTRA-PROTECTIVE child labour laws.

More blogs about Human Rights Bliss - Australian Egalitarian Ideals - Australian Happy-Fun Human Rights Camp.

That's right folks. Just when you thought that we weren't importing enough damaging aspects of US popular culture, evangelical Jebus-loving millionaires have started stirring up "controversy" for publicity for their ever-hungry bank accounts. In the latest "episode" of the popular Jebus-based melodrama, pentecostal "pastor" Danny Nalliah of Catch-The-Fire ministries has blamed the Australian drought on "Sin", saying that if Australia turns back to religion (Christian, of course) then the rain will come in torrents.
Now, we HATE pointing out flaws in such brilliant, non fantastical arguments, but we here at the MIKETRON BLOG couldn't help but wonder what the hell happened in this country before white men arrived and the locals still hadn't heard of Jebus-the-All-Powerful - or even two thousand, one hundred years ago - before Jebus existed. Did it ever freaking rain here before that or did God just not know about the place yet because there were no con-men to make money in His name yet?
At any rate, now we definitely know that the drought was caused by our unrelenting sin, thanks to pastor Danny and his accountant mates (who have never sinned and only appear on our spiritual path as selfless helpers and advisers).
So how do we stop sinning, you ask? Well, easy. Just sign over at least 10% of your income and assets to Catch-the-Fire / Assemblies-of-God - C/O the brilliant, honest and convincing Danny Nalliah and it will start to rain directly above your house, stopping at the borders of the property so your sinful neighbours don't benefit at all from your kindness and Christianity. After all, that's what Jebus would do.

Shown above-right is the selfless, honest and totally non-corrupt Danny Nalliah... And to the left are a couple of fictional characters, one of which has made millions of dollars for countless corporations through the ignorant, blind faith of people who actually believe in it.

More blogs about Catch the Fire - Assemblies of God - People who know more than you about Jesus.

Everything seemed to be going as most Australians expected on Saturday night. Little Johnny Battler went down in a satisfactory fashion and we were presented with our new Prime Minister, "Zero Degrees" Kelvin Rudd - the 'moral' choice for a country who has become slightly fed up with profiteering and murder perpetrated by the ruling class. That was, until K.Rudd stood up to give his acceptance speech. Starting off with expected lines like "We will have an education revolution" and "working families will be better off" there were no real surprises until he threw in the following paragraph almost as a footnote:

"With my apparent mandate from the Australian people, I will build Australia a world class nuclear arsenal and invade New Zealand. They clearly represent the biggest threat to peace and democracy in the South Pacific and I plan to nip the problem in the bud by blowing them back to the stone-age before acquiring the island nation for Australian interests and renaming it New Ruddland."

Shown above is Kelvin delivering his plan for nuclear invasion of New Zealand.
What have you done Australia?

More blogs about Terror Threat - Militant Australian Dictators - Election Promises.

Unexpected results from last minute polls (with 2 L's) appear to indicate that Australia's federal election this weekend will almost certainly come down to the minority Chinese-Australian vote in several key electorates for both parties.

While most people would expect this to turn out well for K.Rudd due to his fluency in eating mandarins for play-lunch, several Chinese-Australian constituents spoke to the MIKETRON Blog this morning to voice their opinions - and from our numbers it looks like a shock could be in the works for both parties.

Out of the 100,000 Chinese-Australian that we telephone surveyed, it seems that around 88% were obsessed with talking about engorged male genitalia, rather than any of the major policies on the table for either Labor or Liberal.

As you can see above, the Chinese-Australians have plenty of graphs and data to back up their voting preferences - not to mention more than 5,000 years of historical culture.

More blogs about Talking to your doctor - 'R's and 'L's - REAL Democracy.