MIKETRON BLOG

So a poll last week in the Sydney Morning Herald demonstrates that most people in NSW now think Schapelle Corby probably did try to smuggle drugs into Bali.

This is in contrast to the "public outrage" over her arrest and trial in 2005, not to mention the calls to boycott all tourism to Bali, the threats made toward Indonesians in Australia, and the widespread condemnation of the Indonesian Justice System as "primitive and corrupt".

We're certain that it had nothing to do with the Channel 9 documentary, Schappelle Corby: The Hidden Truth (about her eyebrows), which aired last week.
Australian's couldn't possibly be swayed on such passionate, heartfelt issues simply by watching a comedic tabloid "infomentary". Of course they couldn't.

Now that there's an overwhelming will to let Schapelle rot in a Third World Prison, we're certain that Australians everywhere will now start pushing for formal apologies to the Indonesian Government and Justice System, and that a conscious effort will be made to increase Bali's tourism on our part…
And of course we've learnt the lesson to never let the tabloid press control our informed, intelligent opinions again.

Ray Martin for PM!

According to a report published by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, self harm among young women is up by 51% and in young men by 27% for the years 2005-2006.
While you would think that suicide rates in youngsters would have gone up at the same time, it was actually declining in all of the study results.

So this pretty well proves that emo kids are:
a) multiplying like emotional rabbits.
b) DESPERATELY in need of attention (which their parents can't give them, man).
b) pussies.

It's obvious that something DESPERATELY needs to be done to help emotionally troubled, rich white teenagers living in the wealthiest parts of the First World. If somebody won't address this growing crisis soon, our teenager and young-adult population stands to suffer huge amounts of non-lethal, attention seeking injury.

Shown above are some of the incredibly complex, emotionally non-comprehensible Australian youth who just need our attention (but not the kind of attention you want to offer, because you can't understand where they're coming from, man).

How about you go outside and play, kids?

More blogs about Emos - Poor, Suffering Darlings - Legitimate Attention Seeking.

As John W Howard always tried to make clear to us, selling off public utilities to increase "competition" is a well thought-out, sustainable financial strategy. Once everything is sold and the "competition" really gets going, then all the companies eventually merge together into a monopoly single-competitive-entity which has no competition and therefore charges whatever it likes without fear of losing customers.

And so today Westpac and St George have announced their merger, benefiting mum-and-dad-investor share prices massively.
They would be the same mum-and-dad-investors who have borrowed money from said banks in order to invest in property and bank shares. You see the logic? If you don't you obviously need a self-help course on financial management (Westpac offer unbiased advice here).

This well-thought-out merger will guarantee mum-and-dad-investor share prices well into the future, with annually increasing profits going straight to the average family income (which will then be used to pay the mortgage and bank fees).

Shown above are some of the forward-thinking mum-and-dad-investors who really genuinely care about all bank customers and the future their child will grow up in. They're not just trying to greedily make a buck for themselves while they can or anything like that at all...

More blogs about Caring, Sharing, Community Organisations - Fair Distribution of Wealth - Australian Banks.

Well, sometimes there's news that just knocks us off our seats in cataclysmic shock.
And today it's because the alarmingly conservative numbers estimated by organisers for World Youth Day (week)- around 500,000 at first - appear to be unrealistic, with hotels in Sydney taking less than a fifth of the originally estimated bookings.

What's wrong with the world when 500,000 Catholics don't want to fly 20 hours on a plane to be ushered through a wire-fenced-city by Federal Police officers to see the pope on a giant TV at a racecourse?

Well, thankfully the Pope knows his market (and did in 1939, too) and so has announced that everyone who makes the effort to turn up on World Youth Day (week) will be given a free cherub to do with as they please.
And generally, they please a great deal.

Shown above is the pope and some of the "prizes" on offer.

If only Sydney had thought of this for the 2000 Olympics, we would have achieved expected numbers and wouldn't still be paying the bastard off!

More blogs about Catholics - World Youth Day (week) - Pope Benedict.

With a voter popularity rate of just 7% (the lowest in Australian Liberal history), Brendan Nelson would certainly appear to be an underdog. But that underdog status could only possibly be granted if one ignores the fact that the man is clearly a hedgehog... and even less popular with the hedgehog community than the human world.

After conducting several thousand well researched and scientifically plausible surveys amongst Australian hedgehogs, our researchers found that Stephen Smith, the Foreign Affairs Minister, is more popular a hedgehog than Dr Nelson by a stunning 8,000,000%.

While both men have essentially the same qualities (a thick, healthy coat of spines, for example), but Australian hedgehogs clearly preferred Mr Smith to Dr Nelson who had supported refusing to apologise to hedgehogs for zoological living conditions across the country for the past 12 years of Government.

Shown above are some of the angry hedgehogs who feel "ripped off" by Dr Nelson's use of their image.

More blogs about Brendan Nelson - Liberal Popularity - well-spoken apologies.