MIKETRON BLOG

According to a report published by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, self harm among young women is up by 51% and in young men by 27% for the years 2005-2006.
While you would think that suicide rates in youngsters would have gone up at the same time, it was actually declining in all of the study results.

So this pretty well proves that emo kids are:
a) multiplying like emotional rabbits.
b) DESPERATELY in need of attention (which their parents can't give them, man).
b) pussies.

It's obvious that something DESPERATELY needs to be done to help emotionally troubled, rich white teenagers living in the wealthiest parts of the First World. If somebody won't address this growing crisis soon, our teenager and young-adult population stands to suffer huge amounts of non-lethal, attention seeking injury.

Shown above are some of the incredibly complex, emotionally non-comprehensible Australian youth who just need our attention (but not the kind of attention you want to offer, because you can't understand where they're coming from, man).

How about you go outside and play, kids?

More blogs about Emos - Poor, Suffering Darlings - Legitimate Attention Seeking.

There's sure has been a lot of talk in recent months about Japanese "Scientists" catching whales in Australian and South Pacific waters. Greenpeace are down there, the World Wildlife Fund's down there, even the Australian Government's stationery is down there, so the situation is clearly serious.

But while everyone else has been foolishly concentrating on what the Japs are doing to our beloved whales, our HIGHLY QUALIFIED scientists in the MIKETRON Blog Labs (next door to the Ponds Institute) have been concentrating on ways we could "scientifically experiment" with Japanese Macaque monkeys.

Famous for being the most northerly occurring primate (except humans) and for spending time in natural hot-spring baths, the Japanese Macaques are, like our whales, responsible for quite a large share of Northern Japan's tourism economy. People come from far and wide to see the Macaques laying around in the natural baths, eating fruit off their bellies.

Thanks to the hardworking scientists in the MIKETRON Blog Labs, we now know that Japanese Macaques are also a delicious, low-fat alternative to Kangaroo... and due to their lazy life-style, very easy to catch.
We figure that if we start sending "scientific research" buses to the mountainous areas of Honshu in Japan's north they can start bringing back "experiment specimens" in commercial quantities immediately.

Shown above are some of the delicious recipes we "discovered" during some of our "experiments".

We'd like to say a special THANKYOU to the Japanese Scientists who made all this possible by helping us realise the advantages of the Scientific Culinary Arts.

More blogs about Japanese Science - Experiments in Whaling - Delicious Whale Dishes.

It's 10 years ago next month that Jim Morrison impersonator and INXS frontman, Michael "I'm only wanking" Hutchence punched the ultimate notch in his belt. Fans of Jim Morrison have been queuing up in stores to buy the 'Anniversary Belt' that will be available in all good clothing and sex shops in time for the memorial service.
While he will always be remembered as the best Jim Morrison ever, people all-to-easily forget that he was also a fantastic, selfless father, a genius with finance and a BRILLIANT actor - appearing in ludicrously popular titles like Frankenstein Unbound (the highest grossing film ever, in the universe).

Shown above is Hutch at his final belt sale.
There'll be a memorial concert for him next week where the organisers hope to raise enough money to wipe out Auto Erotic Asphyxiation in the first-world music industry for good.

More blogs about Jim Morrison - INXS - Healthy Pastimes.

After last week's completely unpredictable media-scandal over Shane Warne and his wife's short message shenanigans, you'd think the poor guy would be left alone to repair his digital relationship(s). But no! The money-hungry vultures at Telstra have today announced that they cut Warne's phone off this morning due to non-payment of bills, leaving the SMS superstar in a metaphorical communications & poon-tang desert.
While Warney has survived numerous hardships throughout his life and career (peer pressure, male-pattern baldness, etc), experts are predicting that without the power of SMS at his disposal - his only method of communication with females - he may have to turn gay just to find an outlet for his immense, uncontrollable sexual tyranny. Fans have been quick to defend Warne's brilliance and erotic dynamism, with one telling us "we believe Warney can find ways to talk to chicks without a mobile network, we all support him now in his time of need."

Shown above-right is the $21,000 phone bill in question, above-left is Warney trying to convince his equipment that it will be OK and below is Warney's communications & poon-tang desert.

More blogs about World SMS Champion - Team Loyalty - Healthy Pastimes.

The toughest Australian in the entire Universe, Rusty 'Telecom Ninja' Crowe, alongside other Rabbitohs co-owner Peter 'Whattup' Homes a Court, has requested that South Sydney Leagues Club open next year without poker machines. While the pair say they're not trying to impose their view on people, being all-round Aussie nice guys they believe that the 160 pokies in the club are 'not right' for the area. Homes a Court gave the following quote to Southern Cross radio:
"What we are saying is it's better business. Frankly, not a lot of my friends want to go out and have a cold beer and watch someone go past who has just seen their last dollar go into a machine. That beer tastes a bit bitter; that's not a good night out."
Ooohhh. What a great pair of blokes. Now that the evil pokies-that-destroy-families will be gone, the 'patrons' can finally enjoy a nice quiet gamble at the in-house TAB while they watch sports-betting statistics on the 367,000 giant television sets placed all around the club.

Shown above is the ultra-relaxed, pokie-free environment of Rusty's proposed South Sydney Leagues the horrendous social problems associated with gambling and alcoholism will no longer hold sway. And below, is Rusty himself, speaking on his favourite weapon and spreading Christian good-will around the world.
The decision goes before the board next week, but who really cares about the outcome… the incident has served it’s purpose in bringing us greater understanding and respect for Australia’s greatest singer and musician.

More blogs about A Real Gladiator - Thirty Odd Foot of Talent - Healthy Pastimes.