MIKETRON BLOG

According to a report published by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, self harm among young women is up by 51% and in young men by 27% for the years 2005-2006.
While you would think that suicide rates in youngsters would have gone up at the same time, it was actually declining in all of the study results.

So this pretty well proves that emo kids are:
a) multiplying like emotional rabbits.
b) DESPERATELY in need of attention (which their parents can't give them, man).
b) pussies.

It's obvious that something DESPERATELY needs to be done to help emotionally troubled, rich white teenagers living in the wealthiest parts of the First World. If somebody won't address this growing crisis soon, our teenager and young-adult population stands to suffer huge amounts of non-lethal, attention seeking injury.

Shown above are some of the incredibly complex, emotionally non-comprehensible Australian youth who just need our attention (but not the kind of attention you want to offer, because you can't understand where they're coming from, man).

How about you go outside and play, kids?

More blogs about Emos - Poor, Suffering Darlings - Legitimate Attention Seeking.

As John W Howard always tried to make clear to us, selling off public utilities to increase "competition" is a well thought-out, sustainable financial strategy. Once everything is sold and the "competition" really gets going, then all the companies eventually merge together into a monopoly single-competitive-entity which has no competition and therefore charges whatever it likes without fear of losing customers.

And so today Westpac and St George have announced their merger, benefiting mum-and-dad-investor share prices massively.
They would be the same mum-and-dad-investors who have borrowed money from said banks in order to invest in property and bank shares. You see the logic? If you don't you obviously need a self-help course on financial management (Westpac offer unbiased advice here).

This well-thought-out merger will guarantee mum-and-dad-investor share prices well into the future, with annually increasing profits going straight to the average family income (which will then be used to pay the mortgage and bank fees).

Shown above are some of the forward-thinking mum-and-dad-investors who really genuinely care about all bank customers and the future their child will grow up in. They're not just trying to greedily make a buck for themselves while they can or anything like that at all...

More blogs about Caring, Sharing, Community Organisations - Fair Distribution of Wealth - Australian Banks.

There's sure has been a lot of talk in recent months about Japanese "Scientists" catching whales in Australian and South Pacific waters. Greenpeace are down there, the World Wildlife Fund's down there, even the Australian Government's stationery is down there, so the situation is clearly serious.

But while everyone else has been foolishly concentrating on what the Japs are doing to our beloved whales, our HIGHLY QUALIFIED scientists in the MIKETRON Blog Labs (next door to the Ponds Institute) have been concentrating on ways we could "scientifically experiment" with Japanese Macaque monkeys.

Famous for being the most northerly occurring primate (except humans) and for spending time in natural hot-spring baths, the Japanese Macaques are, like our whales, responsible for quite a large share of Northern Japan's tourism economy. People come from far and wide to see the Macaques laying around in the natural baths, eating fruit off their bellies.

Thanks to the hardworking scientists in the MIKETRON Blog Labs, we now know that Japanese Macaques are also a delicious, low-fat alternative to Kangaroo... and due to their lazy life-style, very easy to catch.
We figure that if we start sending "scientific research" buses to the mountainous areas of Honshu in Japan's north they can start bringing back "experiment specimens" in commercial quantities immediately.

Shown above are some of the delicious recipes we "discovered" during some of our "experiments".

We'd like to say a special THANKYOU to the Japanese Scientists who made all this possible by helping us realise the advantages of the Scientific Culinary Arts.

More blogs about Japanese Science - Experiments in Whaling - Delicious Whale Dishes.

In an interview with Australian Musician magazine this week, Sarah Blasko talks about how unappreciated female singer/songwriters are compared to men of the same job title (Sarah won the Best Pop Release ARIA this year has been nominated for 4 ARIAs previously, but we wouldn't call that recognition).
Continuing to say "I think often they are lumped together. It's looked upon as a genre - female singer/songwriter...
Whereas I think it's not really indicative of the diversity of female writers."

And it (obviously) has nothing to do with the fact that they all sound exactly the same and publish near identical 'tortured' images of themselves all over their matching album covers either, Sarah.

Shown above is the LOVELY, BUXOM and TALENTED Sarah Blasko on the right - and on the left some of the things she has clearly ignored in life.

More blogs about Obese, Attractive Talent - Brilliant, Original, Indefinable Genre - Sarah Blasko.

Unexpected results from last minute polls (with 2 L's) appear to indicate that Australia's federal election this weekend will almost certainly come down to the minority Chinese-Australian vote in several key electorates for both parties.

While most people would expect this to turn out well for K.Rudd due to his fluency in eating mandarins for play-lunch, several Chinese-Australian constituents spoke to the MIKETRON Blog this morning to voice their opinions - and from our numbers it looks like a shock could be in the works for both parties.

Out of the 100,000 Chinese-Australian that we telephone surveyed, it seems that around 88% were obsessed with talking about engorged male genitalia, rather than any of the major policies on the table for either Labor or Liberal.

As you can see above, the Chinese-Australians have plenty of graphs and data to back up their voting preferences - not to mention more than 5,000 years of historical culture.

More blogs about Talking to your doctor - 'R's and 'L's - REAL Democracy.