MIKETRON BLOG

According to a report published by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, self harm among young women is up by 51% and in young men by 27% for the years 2005-2006.
While you would think that suicide rates in youngsters would have gone up at the same time, it was actually declining in all of the study results.

So this pretty well proves that emo kids are:
a) multiplying like emotional rabbits.
b) DESPERATELY in need of attention (which their parents can't give them, man).
b) pussies.

It's obvious that something DESPERATELY needs to be done to help emotionally troubled, rich white teenagers living in the wealthiest parts of the First World. If somebody won't address this growing crisis soon, our teenager and young-adult population stands to suffer huge amounts of non-lethal, attention seeking injury.

Shown above are some of the incredibly complex, emotionally non-comprehensible Australian youth who just need our attention (but not the kind of attention you want to offer, because you can't understand where they're coming from, man).

How about you go outside and play, kids?

More blogs about Emos - Poor, Suffering Darlings - Legitimate Attention Seeking.

According to the Liberal Party and the Australian Media, we've "learned" this week that Kevin Rudd is single handedly responsible for International, and therefore Australian, oil prices.

In several thoroughly researched and calmly delivered parliamentary debates, the charismatic and talented leader of the opposition, Sonic the Hedgehog, accused the Rudd regime of potentially raising petrol prices through their controversial FuelWatch program. And he wasn't disproportionately hysterical over the issue at all.

I mean, after 12 years in government, the Liberal party managed to do heaps of stuff to reduce oil prices... Like "liberating" East Timor so that we could further "liberate" their oil. Not to mention signing up for the War of Terror, which MASSIVELY REDUCED oil prices as well as ensured our future safety from terrorism for all eternity.

Thankfully the opposition and press are focusing on such MAJOR issues for the Rudd Government, rather than concentrating on actual policy mistakes or further encroachment on our civil liberties for example.

Shown above is the current World Oil Hierarchy, with Kevin Rudd sitting in the head fat-cat position at the top.

There have been mounting international protests around the world as a result of Rudd's selfishly raising the oil prices.

John Howard would never have done this...

More blogs about Oil Kingpins - Canberra - Kevin Rudd.

As John W Howard always tried to make clear to us, selling off public utilities to increase "competition" is a well thought-out, sustainable financial strategy. Once everything is sold and the "competition" really gets going, then all the companies eventually merge together into a monopoly single-competitive-entity which has no competition and therefore charges whatever it likes without fear of losing customers.

And so today Westpac and St George have announced their merger, benefiting mum-and-dad-investor share prices massively.
They would be the same mum-and-dad-investors who have borrowed money from said banks in order to invest in property and bank shares. You see the logic? If you don't you obviously need a self-help course on financial management (Westpac offer unbiased advice here).

This well-thought-out merger will guarantee mum-and-dad-investor share prices well into the future, with annually increasing profits going straight to the average family income (which will then be used to pay the mortgage and bank fees).

Shown above are some of the forward-thinking mum-and-dad-investors who really genuinely care about all bank customers and the future their child will grow up in. They're not just trying to greedily make a buck for themselves while they can or anything like that at all...

More blogs about Caring, Sharing, Community Organisations - Fair Distribution of Wealth - Australian Banks.

In some aspects of life, persistence is an admirable quality. Whether you're going for job interviews, starting a business or seeking the attentions of a potential lover, persistence can be a very rewarding personality trait.

In television comedy, however, just telling people that you're funny and hoodwinking a network into playing your show for a few years is not enough. You actually have to be funny or the public, stupid as they may be, will eventually see through your talentlessness.

Such is definitely the case for the lamest presenter on Australian Television, Rove McAnus, according to ratings numbers from last night's broadcast. Rove attracted a dwindling 834,000 viewers - less than half of his initial audience from earlier year - while GLADIATORS on Channel 7 (see Its-A-Knockout + anabolic steroids + cocaine) attracted 1.571 million.

Anyone who has actually watched GLADIATORS, let alone seen the ads for it knows that it is basically just muscle-men in tights who whack each other homo-erotically with big rubber phallic symbols. Unbelievably freaking lame, really.

But Rove is obviously twice as lame. The numbers prove it.

Shown above is Rove McAnus, the GLADIATORS and a malignant tumor that was removed from a man's testicle.
You decide which is funnier...

More blogs about Rove's Comedy Brilliance - Rove's Complicated Genius - Funnier Stuff Than Rove.

With a voter popularity rate of just 7% (the lowest in Australian Liberal history), Brendan Nelson would certainly appear to be an underdog. But that underdog status could only possibly be granted if one ignores the fact that the man is clearly a hedgehog... and even less popular with the hedgehog community than the human world.

After conducting several thousand well researched and scientifically plausible surveys amongst Australian hedgehogs, our researchers found that Stephen Smith, the Foreign Affairs Minister, is more popular a hedgehog than Dr Nelson by a stunning 8,000,000%.

While both men have essentially the same qualities (a thick, healthy coat of spines, for example), but Australian hedgehogs clearly preferred Mr Smith to Dr Nelson who had supported refusing to apologise to hedgehogs for zoological living conditions across the country for the past 12 years of Government.

Shown above are some of the angry hedgehogs who feel "ripped off" by Dr Nelson's use of their image.

More blogs about Brendan Nelson - Liberal Popularity - well-spoken apologies.