MIKETRON BLOG

According to a report published by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, self harm among young women is up by 51% and in young men by 27% for the years 2005-2006.
While you would think that suicide rates in youngsters would have gone up at the same time, it was actually declining in all of the study results.

So this pretty well proves that emo kids are:
a) multiplying like emotional rabbits.
b) DESPERATELY in need of attention (which their parents can't give them, man).
b) pussies.

It's obvious that something DESPERATELY needs to be done to help emotionally troubled, rich white teenagers living in the wealthiest parts of the First World. If somebody won't address this growing crisis soon, our teenager and young-adult population stands to suffer huge amounts of non-lethal, attention seeking injury.

Shown above are some of the incredibly complex, emotionally non-comprehensible Australian youth who just need our attention (but not the kind of attention you want to offer, because you can't understand where they're coming from, man).

How about you go outside and play, kids?

More blogs about Emos - Poor, Suffering Darlings - Legitimate Attention Seeking.

It's 10 years ago next month that Jim Morrison impersonator and INXS frontman, Michael "I'm only wanking" Hutchence punched the ultimate notch in his belt. Fans of Jim Morrison have been queuing up in stores to buy the 'Anniversary Belt' that will be available in all good clothing and sex shops in time for the memorial service.
While he will always be remembered as the best Jim Morrison ever, people all-to-easily forget that he was also a fantastic, selfless father, a genius with finance and a BRILLIANT actor - appearing in ludicrously popular titles like Frankenstein Unbound (the highest grossing film ever, in the universe).

Shown above is Hutch at his final belt sale.
There'll be a memorial concert for him next week where the organisers hope to raise enough money to wipe out Auto Erotic Asphyxiation in the first-world music industry for good.

More blogs about Jim Morrison - INXS - Healthy Pastimes.

Once again the time has come when the biggest, muscliest, most unquestionably heterosexual men gather in the middle of a field to play a game that millions of Australians will be glued to their sets for. That's right, there's nothing that makes you feel fitter or more manly than watching other people exercise for more than an hour - and we certainly know how to watch sport in this part of South East Asia Oceania. Some people have sought to make obvious the connection between this kind of sports spectatorship and Freudian voyeuristic homosexuality, but they simply can't prove it. And even if they could prove it, we'd smash them just for implying it.

Shown above is the new promotional poster for this year's Grand Final featuring Eric "Ponch" Estrada from hit TV series CHIPS along with the manliest moments of the NRL.
Were you looking at that guy's arse?

More blogs about Rugby League - Big Muscles - Un-Suspicious Male-to-Male Affection.

After last week's completely unpredictable media-scandal over Shane Warne and his wife's short message shenanigans, you'd think the poor guy would be left alone to repair his digital relationship(s). But no! The money-hungry vultures at Telstra have today announced that they cut Warne's phone off this morning due to non-payment of bills, leaving the SMS superstar in a metaphorical communications & poon-tang desert.
While Warney has survived numerous hardships throughout his life and career (peer pressure, male-pattern baldness, etc), experts are predicting that without the power of SMS at his disposal - his only method of communication with females - he may have to turn gay just to find an outlet for his immense, uncontrollable sexual tyranny. Fans have been quick to defend Warne's brilliance and erotic dynamism, with one telling us "we believe Warney can find ways to talk to chicks without a mobile network, we all support him now in his time of need."

Shown above-right is the $21,000 phone bill in question, above-left is Warney trying to convince his equipment that it will be OK and below is Warney's communications & poon-tang desert.

More blogs about World SMS Champion - Team Loyalty - Healthy Pastimes.

In 1951 L. Ron Hubbard, the inventor of Scientology, released results of a "study" he had done using Dianetics (the "science" of Scientology) in which he claimed to have "cured" more than one "latent homosexual". It appears his brilliant and well-founded discoveries are true to this day as James Packer got married (to a woman) for the second time yesterday; but this time with Tom Cruise present as well! As this is the second glamorous model that James has been married to, any question of his sexuality will now be completely dismissed. Who could possibly be manly enough to marry TWO glamorous models if they were in any way homosexual? Obviously nobody. And let's not get started on Tom effing Cruise - he has also been married to TWO glamorously beautiful women (neither of which look like they have been in a car accident at all), not to mention being the star of numerous MANLY action films.

Shown above: the dashingly handsome James Packer and his lovely new employee wife. And below them the slightly wonky-faced Katie Holmes and her lovely wife husband in a wet t-shirt contest.

More blogs about The Wild Boys of Scientology - L. Ron Hubbard Nude - Gay Marriage.