MIKETRON BLOG

As John W Howard always tried to make clear to us, selling off public utilities to increase "competition" is a well thought-out, sustainable financial strategy. Once everything is sold and the "competition" really gets going, then all the companies eventually merge together into a monopoly single-competitive-entity which has no competition and therefore charges whatever it likes without fear of losing customers.

And so today Westpac and St George have announced their merger, benefiting mum-and-dad-investor share prices massively.
They would be the same mum-and-dad-investors who have borrowed money from said banks in order to invest in property and bank shares. You see the logic? If you don't you obviously need a self-help course on financial management (Westpac offer unbiased advice here).

This well-thought-out merger will guarantee mum-and-dad-investor share prices well into the future, with annually increasing profits going straight to the average family income (which will then be used to pay the mortgage and bank fees).

Shown above are some of the forward-thinking mum-and-dad-investors who really genuinely care about all bank customers and the future their child will grow up in. They're not just trying to greedily make a buck for themselves while they can or anything like that at all...

More blogs about Caring, Sharing, Community Organisations - Fair Distribution of Wealth - Australian Banks.

It's already a year since our nation was STOPPED by the news that an Al-Qaeda trained sting ray had viciously attacked and killed Steve Irwin, a quiet, peace-loving naturist who had never annoyed an animal in his life. At the time it looked as though his commercial empire would be buried along with him until his manager and wife bravely stepped in to save the imperilled fortune of the Irwin business economy. At first this meant flagrantly exploiting Steve's half-alien daughter, Bindi, granting her the privilege of being the "new face" of marketing the business and allowing her to have the fun life reserved only for those who work a 75 hour week as a child-star. This planned seemed flawless at first, but when a paediatrician mentioned that Bindi's mind and body could break down after just a few years of such abuse, a backup plan was formulated to quickly employ Steve's other possession child, Bob as the "secondary face" of the empire. Formerly only used as crocodile bait in his dad's live performances, Bob, now 3 years old, is already well and truly able to make informed and independent career decisions just as his sister has done. Anyone who suggests that these kids are being exploited to make money for Irwin's widow and manager is just plain cynical - all kids under the age of 8 can decide what the direction of their lives should be, regardless of UN human rights protocols and child exploitation laws.

Shown above are Steve's attractive and independent kids in their new "happy fun holding pen" between 18 our working shifts, on the right is Steve himself dangling his child lovingly into the jaws of a crocodile and below is his widow Terry who, like John W Howard, just wants what's best for the economy family.

More blogs about Stingray Wrestling - Children's Rights at Work - Australia Zoo.

Australia's most venerable and honest Emperor, John W Howard has (surprisingly) stated today that he is opposed to homosexual couples adopting children. For a man who is usually so tolerant of all other races, religions and ideologies this has come as a huge and shocking revelation. Re-affirming his belief in the one true tradition of a successful family model (i.e. nuclear and straight), Emperor Howard said that he didn't think it was because gay people loved children any less than straight people, it's just that they're... well... gay. The PM explained further that if Australia had a generation of children who tolerated family models other than his own preferred tradition, then unemployment would be up along with interest rates and the country would simply fall apart in a matter of hours. He also inferred that lesbian-oriented terrorism could rise by as much as 6,000,000% if gay women were aloud to educate children toward their evil goal of world domination through institutionalised homosexual inclination. Just don't say you weren't warned, people.

Shown above is the dangerous and destructive result of lesbian adoption - and the last Tzsar of Australasia, John W Howard stating his position subtly.

More blogs about John Howard's Closet - Children of the Rug - Non Gay Families.

Channel 10's incredibly clever and innovative reality TV show, Big Brother will announce yet another surprise "secret" this week - but this time it will involve the show's host, Gretel Killeen. As anyone who watches Big Brother would know, Gretel's pure, unadulterated ugliness is at least 70% of the reason people watch. The effect is the same as watching The Biggest Loser or RPA - people take comfort knowing that there are people in the world far worse off than themselves - and Gretel is the ultimate psychological cosmetic for anyone doubting their own attractiveness. To further capture this core audience psychology, Channel 10 have payed scientists to clone Gretel's unbelievably munted head and sow it onto her neck next to the original. The idea is that with exactly 200% more Gretel ugliness, people will have even more reason to watch the clever, innovative show.

Shown above is the post-operative Gretel.
Do not look directly at her face for more than 10 seconds at a time.

More blogs about Gretel Killen's Head - Malignant Ugliness - Two Heads.

In a totally predictable turn of events, private school mothers all over australia have had to upgrade their veichles yet again to be able to fit 2.4 children and all their belongings in. After years of dominating the roads and being the envy of their encredibly intelligent peer groups, the private school mothers we've all come to know and hate on the roads will start driving Armoured Personnel Cariers in early 2007. With extra luggage space for soccer balls, larger and more numerous wheels and heavy artillery to fend of child-molesters the APCs will make the perfect compromise between safety and practicality.

As you can see above, the vehicles are nearly as subtle and unobtrusive as the current models of 4WDs favoured by most private school breeder types. And yes, the ladies will be able to handle them just as expertly as they do their 4WDs.